Day 294- Today we are reading chapters 30-31 of Proverbs/Mishlei.

• 
  Dawn Marie McAlister
  October 21, 2019 at 3:11 pm  /

  Full confession and disclosure: I hate Proverbs 31, and my husband and I fight.

  This chapter makes me angry every time I read it because it never fails to make me feel like a failure; this woman is perfect, and I am decidedly not. Plus, I have a feisty personality that seems to fly in the face of this image of the perfect wife. My husband also has a feisty personality and no, we have not always “done good to” each other. Is it any wonder I feel like a failure after reading this? But there’s nowhere in the Bible that says husbands “always do good” to their wives so apparently, he shouldn’t feel like a failure when we fight, right? Apparently, only the wife ever fails. (I’m not trying to throw my husband under the bus. I’m simply using our fiery marriage as an example of how – from a biblical perspective – I look like a failure in the context of marriage while he does not.)

  Forgive me for sounding like a feminist here, but I really do want an answer to this question; no one has ever been able to give me a good one.

  Where is the equivalent instruction for the perfect husband? Proverbs 31 is a nearly impossible to-do list for the woman who wishes to be the “capable wife” but there is nothing to be found for men. Proverbs 31 emphasizes every seeming-inequality of men and women in the Bible. Women must live up to this ideal or their husbands have every right to become dissatisfied with them and kick them out (combine this list and instructions for divorce in Torah). Ladies, too-bad-so-sad, the men can have affairs (as long as the women are unmarried), be lazy & live off the money you’re bringing in (they’ll have a horrible reputation, though) and generally make you miserable and you have no recourse because the Bible doesn’t give any specific responsibilities to husbands, but your responsibilities, ladies are listed out in great detail right here in Proverbs 31. Good luck!

  Yes, there are instructions for being a generally good person and a proper man, but no specifics for husbands like this one for wives. Nowhere in the Bible (extra-biblically, yes but not in the Bible) does it say that a man will do good to his wife and never bad, or provide food and clothing. In fact, this chapter makes it seem like all that is the responsibility of the wife (verses 11, 12, 15, 16, 18, 19, 22, 24, & 27) because of the absence of these same instructions for men. Exodus 21:10 does say that a concubine’s clothing, food and conjugal rights will not diminish (this assumes that full wives had clothing, food, and conjugal rights too), but nowhere is it said that a husband is to provide the food and clothing. Again, it seems from Proverbs 31 that a wife supplies these things for herself and her household which definitely means her husband and could mean the concubine if she is also the wife’s maid servant.

  I’m the only woman I’ve ever known who admits to getting angry reading Proverbs 31, but I’ve yet to meet one who doesn’t feel pressured and unworthy by this chapter. And I’ve never actually had another woman express to me the dissatisfaction I feel about having no equivalent list for husbands, but I can’t imagine they don’t exist. In the absence of biblical instructions for husbands, Proverbs 31 implies that all responsibility for the marriage (except the marriage bed) lies squarely on the shoulders of wives, and men just get to bask in the hard work of their women.

  I’m probably out of line here, but I do have a feisty personality and I want answers. ?

  • 
    Edie Ellingson
    October 23, 2019 at 10:35 am  /

    Ah, yes. The Proverbs 31 woman. The woman every man wants even though many of those men are really not worthy of this woman.

    I met my husband online. We were both on a christian singles site where this subject of the Proverbs 31 woman was the topic of many discussions and debates, and, more often than not, led to heated arguments in the discussion forum. Usually the women were the ones getting heated up. Just like you say you do. Just like I used to. I would say about 70-80% of the men’s profiles that I looked at stated they were looking for the Proverbs 31 woman. It infuriated me when I would get to know some of these men in the discussion forums and discover they couldn’t hold a job, or they were always at odds with someone in their life, they treated women as beneath themselves, and on and on. It irritated me to no end that God would put this sort of pressure on women and not ask men to do, or be, anything special.

    One day, as I read Proverbs 31 again, for the umpteenth time, trying to figure out how all that this woman accomplishes is humanly possible for one person, I realized that there is also a Proverbs 31 man in this chapter. Granted, not as much is said about him but when considering the culture in which this was written it became apparent to me that this man is something extremely special. And he deserves the Proverbs 31 woman. I realized that the crazy, twisted up, society we live in had me looking at this all wrong.

    The verses that give me a picture of the Proverbs 31 man are: 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 11, 23, 28.

    In this particular case he is royalty so he and his wife would lack nothing to begin with. Poverty, or even just financial pressures, are nonexistent.

    He is not a drunkard and he does not pervert justice. This tells me he takes his responsibilities seriously, doesn’t get carried away with partying, drinking doesn’t rule his life, and he is in some position of power or influence. He is not just an overgrown child.

    He stands up for the innocent, the poor, the needy, those who have no voice. He is a fair judge of people and treats them with kindness and compassion. This takes wisdom, strength, and confidence.

    He has complete trust in his wife. There is nothing uglier, in my opinion, than a man who distrusts his wife. He trusts her, therefore he does not control her. He believes in her and stands in support of her and all that she does. More wisdom here.

    He is a well respected figure in the community – he sits among the elders at the gate. He praises his wife, speaks only good of her. Her children call her blessed. If her husband did not bless her they likely would not either. How many times do we hear a husband brag to friends about what a wonderful wife he has? It happens but not that often.

    Even in the verses about the things this woman does we can get a glimpse of the sort of husband she has. She has her own money from some of the work she does. She spends her money how she sees fit, as an investment or to grow her business, and her husband does not interfere with her decisions. She has maidservants. They can afford to have hired help.

    When I consider the man in this chapter I see a good man who loves and values his wife above all else. He loves her as Yehovah loves His people. He is very deserving of this woman.

    A quick reading, and listening to men preach sermons on this chapter, it sounds like there is a litany of things that women are expected to accomplish in order to be considered worthy. Let’s just face facts: many women in our culture work full time jobs outside the home to help pay the bills. The Proverbs 31 woman has her own business but she is not slaving away for someone else for half the waking hours of her life.

    Putting the Proverbs 31 woman into perspective:

    Think about how each of these traits are accomplished by women in our society every day.
    She respects her husband and allows nothing to gain a toehold in diminishing that respect – this is how a wife protects her husband and her marriage.
    She is an early riser, she gathers food (shopping, gardening, however) for her household.
    She cares about her hired help.
    She invests her own money in order to turn a profit.
    She is a strong woman in more ways than one.
    She works hard to make sure her family’s needs are being met (clothing) and she sells some of the clothing she makes.
    She cares for the poor and provides for them as she is able.
    She is careful and wise with her words.
    She is kind.
    She protects her family.
    She is not lazy.
    And the the most important element that makes all of this possible – she fears (and obeys) Yehovah.

    When I break it down like this, I don’t see this woman as any kind of superwoman, at least not the way I used to, but rather a woman of good character. She is honest, hardworking, loving, compassionate, and lives to honor Yehovah.

Day 292- Today we are reading chapters 25-27 of Proverbs/Mishlei.

Day 289- Today we are reading chapters 16-18 of Proverbs/Mishlei.

Day 286- Today we are reading chapters 7-9 of Proverbs/Mishlei.

• 
  Dawn Marie McAlister
  October 14, 2019 at 7:52 pm  /

  If the Jewish sages are correct, Wisdom = Torah. Therefore, Solomon personifies the Torah in Proverbs 8. (Torah Pearls #52 has an amazing discussion about this.)